Sad or overwhelmed?

I’ve got a confession for y’all: I’ve been feeling sad and overwhelmed. Or maybe underwhelmed. Some kind of whelmed, and moody as f*ck.

And that’s ok. 

Does that seem strange to you? I am always saying that we can create our own feelings with the thoughts and stories we choose, and yet, I am sad and some kind of whelmed and moody as f*ck. 

What if both can be true at the same time?

Even when we choose our thoughts on purpose, we will still be sad sometimes. And at that point, the choosing is in how we choose to see and experience our own sadness. We don’t need to blame ourselves for the sadness being there, even if we did create it with our own thoughts, because the sadness isn’t a problem. It’s just a feeling. And y’all - sometimes it’s a feeling we want to feel. 

Think about the world we live in. Sometimes things happen and I don’t want to be happy about them. When I watched the numbers come in on election night last week, and much of our country showed red, I did not want to be happy about that. I wanted to be sad. I wanted to grieve. Choosing on purpose doesn’t mean choosing to delight in everything. It just means choosing, and taking responsibility for your choice. 

And sometimes feelings will arise that we did not choose. Because we have tons of thoughts each day, and even when we up-level our mindset and think in more helpful ways, our brains will sometimes revert to old stories or offer us subconscious thoughts we can’t quite hear or work on yet. That’s ok, too. It doesn’t help to beat ourselves up for these feelings. It’s much more useful to understand that they are just part of the fabric of living a human life. And while changing our thoughts and feelings can be transformational, learning how to be with our thoughts and feelings as they are, before we try to change them, is also essential. 

This is the paradox of coaching. Yes, thoughts cause feelings. But knowing that does not exempt you from the human condition. You can change your thoughts, on purpose, and I teach my clients how to do just that. It will change your life in spectacular ways. But it won’t protect you from negative feelings. Which is fine, because you don’t need to be protected from them. 

I can feel sad and whelmed and moody and still get lots of sh*t done. Let me be very clear: I am not using these feelings as fuel. I am simply letting them be there, part of my experience, and I am using my commitment to my goals as fuel. This is not the same as using willpower. Willpower runs out. Willpower is nose to the grindstone energy. Commitment is me choosing to show up to my business and my plans for my business because I want to, even if I also have some other feelings in this moment. I don’t need to wait until I feel better in order to move forward in my business, because my current feelings aren’t a problem. 

And this is also true for you. If you feel sad or moody or any kind of whelmed, that’s ok. They’re feelings, and you’re capable of feeling them. You’re also capable of showing up, even now, and doing the things you want so badly to be doing. You’re capable of putting out that work fire, even if you feel like sh*t. You’re capable of negotiating a more flexible schedule so that you can remote school your kids, even if you’re feeling whelmed about it. You’re capable of finally learning the new software you’ve been putting off learning, even if you’re also moody as f*ck.

You don’t have to wait until you’re perfect and you feel 100% ok. And y’all, it’s not just the achievement sh*t. You’re also capable of saying, I need to take an hour off today and then having a nap. Or getting up from your desk for 20 minutes and taking a walk to get some fresh air. Whatever it is that you want, you don’t need to feel better in order to start making it happen for yourself. You don’t need to do more work to earn it. And you certainly don’t need to wait until things are perfect, because that day is never coming. Begin now, imperfectly, in whatever mood you find yourself in. 

Speaking of beginning, this is a big day for me. Today, I am launching the podcast I’ve been dreaming of creating for years. It’s called Love Your Job Before You Leave It. It’s for anyone who’s ever felt burned out and fantasized about quitting their job because they thought that would fix things (it won’t). Go listen to it right now (on Apple Podcasts or anywhere you listen to podcasts). Even if you already like your job and have no plans to leave it, this podcast is going to deliver tons of value to help you enjoy your work and create lasting career satisfaction no matter what you choose to do. Oh! And I’m doing a giveaway for anyone who subscribes, rates, and reviews the podcast. Find the contest details here.