107. Disappointing Others
You want to live a satisfying AF life.
You want to have a satisfying AF career.
BUT you don’t want to disappoint people.
And that shit is keeping you stuck.
Because you know, for sure, that some people in your life will be disappointed about some decisions you want to make.
Ugh.
It’s hard, right?
I still feel this way sometimes.
So much so that recently I changed my phone background to this phrase: “it’s ok to disappoint them” + a beautiful waterfall to soothe and comfort me as I do the scary work of letting other people have their own feelings.
And you know what - it IS ok.
People are allowed to be disappointed.
And it’s not fatal.
They will survive.
And even if you do everything you think they want you to, they’ll still feel disappointed sometimes.
Because disappointment is a normal human emotion we ALL feel sometimes.
So stop living your life trying to protect others from their normal human feelings.*
It won’t work.
And it’s ruining your chance to make your own life DELICIOUS and exactly what YOU want.
Feeling a big HELL YES about living your life for YOU instead of for others but not sure how to actually DO that?
I’ve got you.
Come join us for the next round of Satisfied AF.
This is the exact kind of work we do in the SAF group, and it’s a wonderful thing to do this work with the support and love of a community who’s working on the exact same shit.
Join us.
And of course listen to the full podcast about how to navigate letting others have their human emotions, including disappointment.
*As always, do whatever you want for whatever reasons you want. But I wanted a big, bold statement there because so often we’re pretending that we’re protecting other people when really we’re scared to deal with the discomfort WE feel when others have perfectly normal emotions.
If you want to supercharge your capacity to create a life that blows your mind, I have some one-on-one coaching slots opening up soon. Send me an email and let's talk about it or click here to schedule a call with me and we’ll see if we’re a good fit to start working together!
If there are topics y’all want me to talk about on the podcast, feel free to write in and let me know by clicking here! I’d love to hear from you!
Satisfied AF is officially open for enrollment! Click here to get on a consult call and talk about what it would be like for you to be Satisfied AF in your life and career.
WHAT YOU’LL LEARN FROM THIS EPISODE:
Why building a life that is satisfying AF to you means disappointing people sometimes.
The internal struggle so many people experience around choosing what they want, knowing others may be disappointed.
Why disappointment is a normal human emotion, and it’s okay to do things that other people might feel disappointment about.
One tool you can use to navigate situations where someone is disappointed about a choice you’ve made.
LISTEN TO THE FULL EPISODE:
FEATURED ON THE SHOW:
If you’re enjoying the show, please leave me a rating and review on Apple Podcasts!
Feel free to ask me any questions over on Instagram!
FULL EPISODE TRANSCRIPT:
This week we’re talking about disappointing other people.
You are listening to Love Your Job Before You Leave It, the podcast for ambitious, high-achieving women who are ready to stop feeling stressed about work and kiss burnout goodbye forever. Whether you’re starting a business or staying in your day job, this show will give you the coaching and guidance you need to start loving your work today. Here’s your host, Career Coach, Kori Linn.
Hey y'all, happy Wednesday. I hope you are having a glorious day today. I'm having a pretty good day. It's gotten chilly here in Sacramento, but it's still sunny, which is pretty much why we moved here. So that is enjoyable. And Alex and I have been watching a show we really like, it's called Sex Education.
We watched the first season of it like several years ago and then the second season wasn’t out yet, so we went on to watch something else. And then we got involved on whatever we were doing and then more seasons came out, but I was kind of like not in the right mood or not ready yet. I don't know if that happens to y'all, but it happens to me all the time where I want to be kind of in a certain place to watch a show, even one I really love.
And recently I was like, “Okay, it's time.” And so we watched seasons two and three and really loved them. And Alex and I were talking about how wonderful it is that the show talks about all these things that like no one was talking about when I was a young adult, the age of the students in the show.
And a lot of the stuff they talked about in that show, I didn't learn about until adulthood. Some of the stuff that's going on I knew about, but there were just not stories framed the way this one is when I was younger. Or not any that I was watching or listening to or reading. And we really cherish it.
And I was just thinking like, wow, wouldn't it be interesting to have had that as a show to watch when I was young? I wish I had. I didn't. I'm grateful I have it now. So just a really cool show, very sex positive. And just like very inclusive of all these different aspects of sexuality.
And they do it in this really artful way where it just feels like it's all part of the story. It doesn't feel like anything's being like, “Oh, and we have to include an example of this.” At least that's how I feel about it. Also, obviously, this is not an ad, but just I love to tell you all about the stories and resources that I'm really enjoying.
Okay, let's get into the topic today. This is a topic that comes up for people a lot. I was recently coaching an SAF client on this, and I bet it's something that you have struggled with too, and it's for sure something that I have struggled with recently. And that topic is disappointing other people.
So even with all the work I've done, and being a coach and knowing all the coaching tools I have and using them on myself a lot, I have found that there's still a really big part of me that just does not want other people to be disappointed in my direction at all, ever. And that's something I'm working on because me designing a life that really works for me, that's satisfying as fuck to me, and a career that’s satisfying as fuck to me, means risking other people being disappointed me kind of all the time.
Some of the choices I make in my business may result in clients being disappointed in me. It's not my favorite, I'm not excited for it. But if I want to design the business for me and for what works for me, while, of course, still providing an excellent service, I have to understand that sometimes clients may be disappointed about some of the choices I make.
Or, you know, like I raised my prices a couple of months ago and some people may be disappointed about that. Other people may be ecstatic about it. Like that's the funny thing, right? It’s like we don't necessarily even know and a lot of us assume people will be disappointed versus like allowing for the possibility that they'll be delighted. But it's totally possible that people will be disappointed, right?
I sometimes do or say things that Alex may feel disappointed about. I do or say things that my friends may feel disappointed about. Maybe I don't want to go to an event that they would like me to go to. Maybe I feel the need to say something that they don't want to hear.
There's just all these opportunities to disappoint other people. And let's dig into this a little bit too, because if you've been following along for a while, you know that one of the things I teach is that we do not create other people's feelings. And I think that's true.
That being said, sometimes we want to do something, and we strongly suspect, based on the data we have access to, that another person may feel disappointment about it. And I kind of think it almost doesn't matter whether they actually do or don't. I mean it does matter.
But for the purpose of this I think what we actually have to deal with is kind of the internal struggle of is it okay for me to choose what I want, knowing that another person may have a negative feeling about it? Is it okay for me to design my life the way I want it to be and make choices that reflect that, knowing that sometimes I will prioritize myself, my wellbeing, my preferences, and my satisfaction above other people's desires.
So I was coaching one of my SAF clients this week, like I talked about, and they wanted to quit a part time job that they'd been working. They run their own business, they're an amazing coach and they had a part time job in addition where they're also a coach. And they wanted to quit. And they were worried that the people who run that business would be disappointed.
And the reality is, those people may be disappointed. This person is a great coach, so probably they're going to be sad that they lost this person. But what if that's okay? What if it's okay if other people are disappointed?
Here's what I also think, people will be disappointed because disappointment is a normal human emotion. So anyone in your life that you don't want to feel disappointed, the good news/bad news, because I think it's both, the good news/bad news is that they will feel disappointment, for sure, sometimes.
Now, sometimes their brain is going to associate that disappointment to you and sometimes it's not going to associate that disappointment to you. But the point is, they will have disappointment because it's a normal human emotion. Just like they'll have happiness, just like they'll have anger, just like they'll have sadness.
And when we decide that other people should never have negative emotions, that's kind of a very fucking weird thing to do. I mean, don't get me wrong, I'm not judging. I do it also and it's extremely common, but it's kind of weird, right? That would be like asserting that other people should never poop.
Like, generally, poop is a taboo topic that we don't talk about, even though I'm talking about it now on my podcast, gasp. But we would never assert that they shouldn't do that or that it's problematic. We're like, oh, yeah, we don't talk about that in public and I don't necessarily really want to know what's happening with that, like do it privately in the bathroom. But we understand that's just part of human life, it's not a problem.
And that's what I would offer to you also about the full spectrum of human emotion. It's not a problem, it's not an indication that anything has gone wrong. It is just part of the human experience. And quite frankly, it's okay for other people to be disappointed.
I think, to dig a layer deeper into this, when we don't want other people to have negative emotion, that generally means we think negative emotion is a problem. It also usually means we don't want to have negative emotion. But just like all those other people, we too will have negative emotion. We too will have the full spectrum of human experience. We will have disappointment, and all the other ones too.
Now, when we have it might depend on like what's going on and what choices we make, et cetera, et cetera. I'm not saying that no matter what choices we make, we're always going to have exactly the same emotional experience, like moment by moment. But I think generally across your life you're going to get the whole spectrum and you will be disappointed sometimes.
And in the podcast episode about how, you know, like about dealing with our own disappointment, I talked about how disappointment is not a problem. And actually, often disappointment is a side effect of going after what we want because usually when we go after what we want we have to do a bunch of effort to make it happen. So it does require this willingness to feel disappointment and keep going, this like disappointment resilience.
And also for other people, it's just understanding that they get to have that. They get to have it and it's not a problem, and it's happening anyway, no matter what you do. So I'm not saying be an asshole to other people. I'm saying, it's okay if they have an emotion. And you get to decide who you want to be, what you want to do, and how you want to live your life.
And those choices you make, other people might have thoughts and feelings about them, but you don't actually create their thoughts and feelings and it's not a problem if they have them.
So if there is something you haven't been doing in your career, or in your life, or in one of your relationships because you're afraid of someone else feeling disappointment, let's just like take a minute to think it through. What if it's okay if they feel disappointment? If you think it would be a big problem if they felt disappointment, why is that? Is there something you would be making it mean about you?
So like, as an example, something I hear a lot is like, “I don't want to be selfish.” But who else-ish should you be? I mean, I have a lot of relationships that matter really deeply to me, and I have a podcast episode about connection orientation and about how like I try to show up to my romantic relationship with Alex in a way that's oriented towards our connection and towards us like getting along and being a team and like creating things together that are really beautiful for us.
And also part of my job as me is to figure out my own heart and mind and to know my preferences and to advocate for those. And I would argue to put myself first sometimes. Not like I'm completely always putting myself first and putting her last. But that I am putting myself first at least alongside the relationship and taking my own desires, needs, and preferences into account because I'm the only one who actually can. And I would argue because it's my responsibility to do that.
I think sometimes we get this idea, like in the way that we've been socialized that like if I'm in a relationship with Alex I should always be putting her things first and she should always be putting my things first, and like that will balance out. I just don't think that works. Alex knows me so well, y'all, but she does not know my heart and mind as well as I know my heart and mind. And she doesn't know my preferences as well as I know my preferences.
It's like that thing about like put the mask on yourself first. Like, if you're on a plane and the little things come down, you have to put your own mask on first because otherwise you could like pass out before you actually have the opportunity to help other people.
You need to take care of yourself first. And I think a lot of times when we're not willing for other people to be disappointed, we're not taking care of ourselves first, we're taking care of other people first. And then if they also take care of themselves first and don't take care of us first, then we maybe get a little resentful and then we're a little disappointed.
And so I think sometimes that's almost like this weird like self-fulfilling cycle where we over give and put them first, and then they put them first, and then no one's putting us first. And then instead of like pulling back and being like, “Oh, I need to put myself first because someone needs to be doing that.” We almost like double down into the over giving. And I just think it's a very uncomfortable, unpleasant cycle that's not necessary.
Now, listen, I'm not saying it's great when other people are disappointed. I'm just saying I think they can handle it. And I think it actually is a very respectful thing to let another person have their emotions. I want to say that again because I think that's such a radical idea in our culture. I think it's a way of me respecting other people when I allow them to have the full spectrum of human emotions and I don't try to fix and clean up their feelings for them.
And I want to be clear that I'm talking about things between adults here. And also, from the stuff I've read from like doctors, John and Julie Gottman, like trying to fix a child's feelings can actually be really problematic versus like letting the child have feelings. Because again, the full spectrum of human emotion is part of the human experience.
And kids are going to have negative feelings and if we try to tell them they shouldn't, or fix it or take it away, what we're implicitly teaching them is that feelings are bad and not okay. And then they grow up into adults who think feelings are bad and not okay. And then that's not a very fun way to live because life is full of fucking feelings.
And then most of those people then need to go hire like a therapist or a coach to help them figure out how to let themselves have feelings. That being said, again, it's not your job, unless it literally is, to teach those people how to have feelings and to show them how to be with their feelings. It's okay for you to let them be disappointed, let them grapple with that, and let them figure it out.
And I'll also just add, people being disappointed does not have to be a relationship ruiner. Doctors John and Julie Gottman also taught me that conflict can create intimacy. And I think often when we think of conflict, we think of, you know, like fighting and like anger, right? But I think conflict can also be, “I'm going to choose to put my preferences first.” And the other person going, “Oh, I'm really disappointed in that.” That too, is a kind of conflict, and that conflict can create a deeper connection.
So I think sometimes we're afraid to let other people to be disappointed because we're afraid it's going to ruin the relationship. And I don't think it has to do that. Again, humans, we're all going to have the full spectrum of human emotion. They are whether you tell them the truth or not. So what if you figure out what you want to do to have a satisfying as fuck life and career, and then do that. And then if other people are disappointed, then you just navigate that.
And one tool that you can use for navigating that is the podcast episode about apologies. And you can decide if you want to be sorry or not sorry. But I think before we even get to the sorry or not sorry, it's just, again, what I've said over and over again in this episode, which is it's okay for other people to have feelings.
It's okay for other people to have feelings in response to what you've chosen. That's their right. That's part of their human experience. You don't need to prevent that from happening. You don't need to take it away from them. You don't need to fix it for them because it's not a fucking problem. It's just a feeling, okay?
And if this all sounds like how you want to be living your life, but also like a million miles away from your current actual lived experience, come sign up for Satisfied As Fuck. Because if you've spent your whole life learning the idea that it's not okay for other people to be disappointed in your direction, this is going to feel alien and strange, and it may be really hard for you to incorporate on your own.
I do the podcast so that I can teach y’all all kinds of things. And I do think it's possible to take the podcast and to create extremely lovely changes in your life at the level of just listening to the podcast. And also, a lot of this stuff is going to go against some really deep socialization and some really strong habits and thought patterns and behavior patterns you already have.
And if you suspect that it's going to be hard for you to incorporate this into your life and action it on your own, you're not alone. And the perfect place to come and do that work, I never use the word perfect, y'all, but in this case, I'm like, yeah, I'm going to do with that. The perfect place to do this work is with a group of wonderful and like-minded humans, because community really does create magical things.
When you're working on something hard, but you know you're not working on it alone. And you know there's 10 to 20 other amazing people working on the same thing side by side and y'all can cheer each other on and you can share your successes. And you can kind of lend each other your support and feel supported by each other, it makes this kind of work so much easier. And quite frankly, so much more fun.
Some of the feedback I've gotten from the current SAF clients is that it's so fun. And like we're doing huge things and changing people's lives in really deep and powerful ways. And we're having a fucking hell of a good time while doing it. And you can too.
So if that sounds like what you want to have happen, scoot on over to my website and sign up for a Satisfied As Fuck consult today and let's talk about getting you into the next round. Okay, y'all have a lovely week. Thank you, bye.
Thank you for listening to Love Your Job Before You Leave It. We'll have another episode for you next week. And in the meantime, if you're feeling super fired up, head on over to korilinn.com for more guidance and resources.
You are listening to Love Your Job Before You Leave It, the podcast for ambitious, high-achieving women who are ready to stop feeling stressed about work and kiss burnout goodbye forever. Whether you’re starting a business or staying in your day job, this show will give you the coaching and guidance you need to start loving your work today. Here’s your host, Career Coach, Kori Linn.
Hey y'all, happy Wednesday. I hope you are having a glorious day today. I'm having a pretty good day. It's gotten chilly here in Sacramento, but it's still sunny, which is pretty much why we moved here. So that is enjoyable. And Alex and I have been watching a show we really like, it's called Sex Education.
We watched the first season of it like several years ago and then the second season wasn’t out yet, so we went on to watch something else. And then we got involved on whatever we were doing and then more seasons came out, but I was kind of like not in the right mood or not ready yet. I don't know if that happens to y'all, but it happens to me all the time where I want to be kind of in a certain place to watch a show, even one I really love.
And recently I was like, “Okay, it's time.” And so we watched seasons two and three and really loved them. And Alex and I were talking about how wonderful it is that the show talks about all these things that like no one was talking about when I was a young adult, the age of the students in the show.
And a lot of the stuff they talked about in that show, I didn't learn about until adulthood. Some of the stuff that's going on I knew about, but there were just not stories framed the way this one is when I was younger. Or not any that I was watching or listening to or reading. And we really cherish it.
And I was just thinking like, wow, wouldn't it be interesting to have had that as a show to watch when I was young? I wish I had. I didn't. I'm grateful I have it now. So just a really cool show, very sex positive. And just like very inclusive of all these different aspects of sexuality.
And they do it in this really artful way where it just feels like it's all part of the story. It doesn't feel like anything's being like, “Oh, and we have to include an example of this.” At least that's how I feel about it. Also, obviously, this is not an ad, but just I love to tell you all about the stories and resources that I'm really enjoying.
Okay, let's get into the topic today. This is a topic that comes up for people a lot. I was recently coaching an SAF client on this, and I bet it's something that you have struggled with too, and it's for sure something that I have struggled with recently. And that topic is disappointing other people.
So even with all the work I've done, and being a coach and knowing all the coaching tools I have and using them on myself a lot, I have found that there's still a really big part of me that just does not want other people to be disappointed in my direction at all, ever. And that's something I'm working on because me designing a life that really works for me, that's satisfying as fuck to me, and a career that’s satisfying as fuck to me, means risking other people being disappointed me kind of all the time.
Some of the choices I make in my business may result in clients being disappointed in me. It's not my favorite, I'm not excited for it. But if I want to design the business for me and for what works for me, while, of course, still providing an excellent service, I have to understand that sometimes clients may be disappointed about some of the choices I make.
Or, you know, like I raised my prices a couple of months ago and some people may be disappointed about that. Other people may be ecstatic about it. Like that's the funny thing, right? It’s like we don't necessarily even know and a lot of us assume people will be disappointed versus like allowing for the possibility that they'll be delighted. But it's totally possible that people will be disappointed, right?
I sometimes do or say things that Alex may feel disappointed about. I do or say things that my friends may feel disappointed about. Maybe I don't want to go to an event that they would like me to go to. Maybe I feel the need to say something that they don't want to hear.
There's just all these opportunities to disappoint other people. And let's dig into this a little bit too, because if you've been following along for a while, you know that one of the things I teach is that we do not create other people's feelings. And I think that's true.
That being said, sometimes we want to do something, and we strongly suspect, based on the data we have access to, that another person may feel disappointment about it. And I kind of think it almost doesn't matter whether they actually do or don't. I mean it does matter.
But for the purpose of this I think what we actually have to deal with is kind of the internal struggle of is it okay for me to choose what I want, knowing that another person may have a negative feeling about it? Is it okay for me to design my life the way I want it to be and make choices that reflect that, knowing that sometimes I will prioritize myself, my wellbeing, my preferences, and my satisfaction above other people's desires.
So I was coaching one of my SAF clients this week, like I talked about, and they wanted to quit a part time job that they'd been working. They run their own business, they're an amazing coach and they had a part time job in addition where they're also a coach. And they wanted to quit. And they were worried that the people who run that business would be disappointed.
And the reality is, those people may be disappointed. This person is a great coach, so probably they're going to be sad that they lost this person. But what if that's okay? What if it's okay if other people are disappointed?
Here's what I also think, people will be disappointed because disappointment is a normal human emotion. So anyone in your life that you don't want to feel disappointed, the good news/bad news, because I think it's both, the good news/bad news is that they will feel disappointment, for sure, sometimes.
Now, sometimes their brain is going to associate that disappointment to you and sometimes it's not going to associate that disappointment to you. But the point is, they will have disappointment because it's a normal human emotion. Just like they'll have happiness, just like they'll have anger, just like they'll have sadness.
And when we decide that other people should never have negative emotions, that's kind of a very fucking weird thing to do. I mean, don't get me wrong, I'm not judging. I do it also and it's extremely common, but it's kind of weird, right? That would be like asserting that other people should never poop.
Like, generally, poop is a taboo topic that we don't talk about, even though I'm talking about it now on my podcast, gasp. But we would never assert that they shouldn't do that or that it's problematic. We're like, oh, yeah, we don't talk about that in public and I don't necessarily really want to know what's happening with that, like do it privately in the bathroom. But we understand that's just part of human life, it's not a problem.
And that's what I would offer to you also about the full spectrum of human emotion. It's not a problem, it's not an indication that anything has gone wrong. It is just part of the human experience. And quite frankly, it's okay for other people to be disappointed.
I think, to dig a layer deeper into this, when we don't want other people to have negative emotion, that generally means we think negative emotion is a problem. It also usually means we don't want to have negative emotion. But just like all those other people, we too will have negative emotion. We too will have the full spectrum of human experience. We will have disappointment, and all the other ones too.
Now, when we have it might depend on like what's going on and what choices we make, et cetera, et cetera. I'm not saying that no matter what choices we make, we're always going to have exactly the same emotional experience, like moment by moment. But I think generally across your life you're going to get the whole spectrum and you will be disappointed sometimes.
And in the podcast episode about how, you know, like about dealing with our own disappointment, I talked about how disappointment is not a problem. And actually, often disappointment is a side effect of going after what we want because usually when we go after what we want we have to do a bunch of effort to make it happen. So it does require this willingness to feel disappointment and keep going, this like disappointment resilience.
And also for other people, it's just understanding that they get to have that. They get to have it and it's not a problem, and it's happening anyway, no matter what you do. So I'm not saying be an asshole to other people. I'm saying, it's okay if they have an emotion. And you get to decide who you want to be, what you want to do, and how you want to live your life.
And those choices you make, other people might have thoughts and feelings about them, but you don't actually create their thoughts and feelings and it's not a problem if they have them.
So if there is something you haven't been doing in your career, or in your life, or in one of your relationships because you're afraid of someone else feeling disappointment, let's just like take a minute to think it through. What if it's okay if they feel disappointment? If you think it would be a big problem if they felt disappointment, why is that? Is there something you would be making it mean about you?
So like, as an example, something I hear a lot is like, “I don't want to be selfish.” But who else-ish should you be? I mean, I have a lot of relationships that matter really deeply to me, and I have a podcast episode about connection orientation and about how like I try to show up to my romantic relationship with Alex in a way that's oriented towards our connection and towards us like getting along and being a team and like creating things together that are really beautiful for us.
And also part of my job as me is to figure out my own heart and mind and to know my preferences and to advocate for those. And I would argue to put myself first sometimes. Not like I'm completely always putting myself first and putting her last. But that I am putting myself first at least alongside the relationship and taking my own desires, needs, and preferences into account because I'm the only one who actually can. And I would argue because it's my responsibility to do that.
I think sometimes we get this idea, like in the way that we've been socialized that like if I'm in a relationship with Alex I should always be putting her things first and she should always be putting my things first, and like that will balance out. I just don't think that works. Alex knows me so well, y'all, but she does not know my heart and mind as well as I know my heart and mind. And she doesn't know my preferences as well as I know my preferences.
It's like that thing about like put the mask on yourself first. Like, if you're on a plane and the little things come down, you have to put your own mask on first because otherwise you could like pass out before you actually have the opportunity to help other people.
You need to take care of yourself first. And I think a lot of times when we're not willing for other people to be disappointed, we're not taking care of ourselves first, we're taking care of other people first. And then if they also take care of themselves first and don't take care of us first, then we maybe get a little resentful and then we're a little disappointed.
And so I think sometimes that's almost like this weird like self-fulfilling cycle where we over give and put them first, and then they put them first, and then no one's putting us first. And then instead of like pulling back and being like, “Oh, I need to put myself first because someone needs to be doing that.” We almost like double down into the over giving. And I just think it's a very uncomfortable, unpleasant cycle that's not necessary.
Now, listen, I'm not saying it's great when other people are disappointed. I'm just saying I think they can handle it. And I think it actually is a very respectful thing to let another person have their emotions. I want to say that again because I think that's such a radical idea in our culture. I think it's a way of me respecting other people when I allow them to have the full spectrum of human emotions and I don't try to fix and clean up their feelings for them.
And I want to be clear that I'm talking about things between adults here. And also, from the stuff I've read from like doctors, John and Julie Gottman, like trying to fix a child's feelings can actually be really problematic versus like letting the child have feelings. Because again, the full spectrum of human emotion is part of the human experience.
And kids are going to have negative feelings and if we try to tell them they shouldn't, or fix it or take it away, what we're implicitly teaching them is that feelings are bad and not okay. And then they grow up into adults who think feelings are bad and not okay. And then that's not a very fun way to live because life is full of fucking feelings.
And then most of those people then need to go hire like a therapist or a coach to help them figure out how to let themselves have feelings. That being said, again, it's not your job, unless it literally is, to teach those people how to have feelings and to show them how to be with their feelings. It's okay for you to let them be disappointed, let them grapple with that, and let them figure it out.
And I'll also just add, people being disappointed does not have to be a relationship ruiner. Doctors John and Julie Gottman also taught me that conflict can create intimacy. And I think often when we think of conflict, we think of, you know, like fighting and like anger, right? But I think conflict can also be, “I'm going to choose to put my preferences first.” And the other person going, “Oh, I'm really disappointed in that.” That too, is a kind of conflict, and that conflict can create a deeper connection.
So I think sometimes we're afraid to let other people to be disappointed because we're afraid it's going to ruin the relationship. And I don't think it has to do that. Again, humans, we're all going to have the full spectrum of human emotion. They are whether you tell them the truth or not. So what if you figure out what you want to do to have a satisfying as fuck life and career, and then do that. And then if other people are disappointed, then you just navigate that.
And one tool that you can use for navigating that is the podcast episode about apologies. And you can decide if you want to be sorry or not sorry. But I think before we even get to the sorry or not sorry, it's just, again, what I've said over and over again in this episode, which is it's okay for other people to have feelings.
It's okay for other people to have feelings in response to what you've chosen. That's their right. That's part of their human experience. You don't need to prevent that from happening. You don't need to take it away from them. You don't need to fix it for them because it's not a fucking problem. It's just a feeling, okay?
And if this all sounds like how you want to be living your life, but also like a million miles away from your current actual lived experience, come sign up for Satisfied As Fuck. Because if you've spent your whole life learning the idea that it's not okay for other people to be disappointed in your direction, this is going to feel alien and strange, and it may be really hard for you to incorporate on your own.
I do the podcast so that I can teach y’all all kinds of things. And I do think it's possible to take the podcast and to create extremely lovely changes in your life at the level of just listening to the podcast. And also, a lot of this stuff is going to go against some really deep socialization and some really strong habits and thought patterns and behavior patterns you already have.
And if you suspect that it's going to be hard for you to incorporate this into your life and action it on your own, you're not alone. And the perfect place to come and do that work, I never use the word perfect, y'all, but in this case, I'm like, yeah, I'm going to do with that. The perfect place to do this work is with a group of wonderful and like-minded humans, because community really does create magical things.
When you're working on something hard, but you know you're not working on it alone. And you know there's 10 to 20 other amazing people working on the same thing side by side and y'all can cheer each other on and you can share your successes. And you can kind of lend each other your support and feel supported by each other, it makes this kind of work so much easier. And quite frankly, so much more fun.
Some of the feedback I've gotten from the current SAF clients is that it's so fun. And like we're doing huge things and changing people's lives in really deep and powerful ways. And we're having a fucking hell of a good time while doing it. And you can too.
So if that sounds like what you want to have happen, scoot on over to my website and sign up for a Satisfied As Fuck consult today and let's talk about getting you into the next round. Okay, y'all have a lovely week. Thank you, bye.
Thank you for listening to Love Your Job Before You Leave It. We'll have another episode for you next week. And in the meantime, if you're feeling super fired up, head on over to korilinn.com for more guidance and resources.
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