109. Seasons Change
Just like the weather outside, you have seasons, too.
Sometimes you’re in a season of growth and overflow.
Sometimes you’re in a season of drought and drudgery.
Sometimes you’re in a season of confusion and overwhelm.
You may really like some of your seasons and despise others.
Your seasons may rotate through, making it feel like you keep winding up in the same place over and over.
Or you may find yourself in a new and alien season you never meant to sign up for.
This season may be showing you something brand new about yourself.
Or it might be rubbing your face in something you’d rather leave behind.
No matter which season you’re in, there are a few skills that will help you manage it and get the most out of it, whether it’s a fun one or one you’d rather skip.
Tune in this week to learn all about how to handle the particular season you’re in and the changeable nature of life as it keeps serving up all kinds of new and old seasons for you to enjoy.
If you want to supercharge your capacity to create a life that blows your mind, I have some one-on-one coaching slots opening up soon. Send me an email and let's talk about it or click here to schedule a call with me and we’ll see if we’re a good fit to start working together!
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WHAT YOU’LL LEARN FROM THIS EPISODE:
The changing nature of being a human and living the human experience.
Why focusing on something new is always an option you can decide to take.
The seasons of my life and how my goals have changed over the course of my career.
How your brain will try to keep you safe at the expense of going after what you really want.
Why even your deepest alignments might change and what you can do to bring awareness to those areas.
The sunk-cost fallacy that keeps people going after goals that they’re no longer deeply aligned with.
How to get clear on what feels most important and relevant to you in this season of your career.
LISTEN TO THE FULL EPISODE:
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How to Break Up with Your Phone by Catherine Price
FULL EPISODE TRANSCRIPT:
This week we’re talking about the changeable nature of life.
You are listening to Love Your Job Before You Leave It, the podcast for ambitious, high-achieving women who are ready to stop feeling stressed about work and kiss burnout goodbye forever. Whether you’re starting a business or staying in your day job, this show will give you the coaching and guidance you need to start loving your work today. Here’s your host, Career Coach, Kori Linn.
Hey y'all, happy Wednesday. I am in a great mood today, Alex and I went away this most recent weekend. It'll be a few weeks by the time y'all hear this, but we just got back yesterday. And so we live in Sacramento, and we went over to Forestville, which is kind of close to Santa Rosa, Guerneville. Healdsburg, Sebastopol, they're sort of all in the same little area.
And it's Sonoma County. So it's like wine country, California, which people love and it's a great place to visit. But what I was most excited about is there's redwood trees over there. Like just big, beautiful, ancient, gorgeous redwood trees, and we got to go see some of them. We went to, I think it's called Armstrong National, it’s national or California, I don't know. It's a park, it's in Guerneville.
And I Googled like redwoods near me because I do very advanced Google searches. One of the things that came up was this like old growth Redwood grove. And I don't know, just a Google search. So I looked at some pictures, it looked amazing, so Alex and I drove over there. And it was just absolutely stunning, a beautifully kept trail, like a super small little park. And it sort of seemed like it was just like this one little patch of public land on this sort of mountaintop that was otherwise all private property.
So it was just really wonderful to get to go and spend some time in nature and see those trees. And there were beautiful ferns, I don't know if y'all know this about me, but I fucking love ferns. Living in Seattle and going to places like Seward Park there are like lots of big evergreen trees that are really gorgeous. And there are just lots of ferns. I think like Seattle is very damp and misty and the ferns like that, I guess.
And so going a few hours out of Sacramento I was able to see similar trees and even bigger, you know, these redwood trees, I don't think we have those in Seattle. And by I don't think, I mean I know we don't. We for sure don't have those. And also all these ferns and just like the nature and the feel of the air felt very similar to some of the places I loved most in Seattle.
And I go back to Seattle fairly often too. But it was nice to find somewhere that was close to where I live that I can get to in just like a pretty decent car ride where I can go be in nature of that kind. And it's interesting, because when I was younger, I didn't really consider myself a nature person.
I was kind of more of a like, I considered myself like a city mouse, right? I liked to be in the hustle and the bustle. And I liked to be able to like walk out my door and go grab like an amazing glass of wine and some amazing food. I still care about that too, but I've really become a person who just craves and cherishes time in nature.
And so that's just like an interesting thing I've been thinking about. And it's part of what I want to talk about today, of just like how seasons change and things about us change, and our preferences change, and our desires change. And I think sometimes, like when we're working on something in our lives or our career, we can get very attached to the goal. And sometimes we miss cues that that goal is no longer the thing we're really interested in or the thing that's really meaningful to us.
The other thing that made me think about this episode is just like the literal seasons changing. As I've mentioned on the last several podcasts, the weather has turned here in Sacramento. It was really hot in the summer, and then even like well into, I think, September we had like a big heatwave. And then we had like some mild weeks that were really beautiful that I was really in love with.
And then like suddenly the weather just like dropped and it was just cold. And it's been cold. And I had forgotten how cold it gets in our house because our house is like big and has high ceilings and that kind of place is hard to heat.
In the summer in Sacramento I complain a lot because it's very hot sometimes. And then now it's cold and my brain was like, “I'm also going to complain a lot.” So I thought that was funny. It's just like an interesting thing to notice, that there's only like a pretty slim variation of weather pattern that my brain does not feel compelled to complain about.
So that's just good for y'all to know too. Like I'm a coach, I know the tools I teach you inside and out, and I still have a brain that wants to complain about shit pretty heavily. And it takes effort for me too. to like remind myself to like notice what is working and look for what is working and remember the things I like. Because it's like in the dead of summer I'll be like, ah, dreaming of a cool day. And now it is cool and I'm like missing summer, even though during summer I was like, “Why is it so fucking hot all the time?”
So two main things about like what we want to talk about today. One of those is just like that seasons will change, and they change whether we want them to or not. And we change often, whether we mean to or not. And then the second thing is I believe deeply that there is always something we can love about whatever season we're in.
And that doesn't mean we're not going to make big changes, right? Like Alex and I, part of why we moved from Seattle to Sacramento is because we wanted to live somewhere sunnier. So even though there were so many things I could appreciate about the misty, cloudy, overcast Seattle winters, we chose to make a change anyways. But I think being able to identify what's working and what you can like about something is a really powerful step to take, whether you're going to make changes or not.
Okay, so let's get into the heart of it, things change. Now, we can’t always count on things changing, I guess. Like there's kind of this idea in coaching that like don't expect people to change, because often they won’t. But I think in general in life, we do change.
Now, you can't count on other people changing in the directions and ways you want them to. So like let's just set other people aside for now. Let's let this episode just be about you and you. You and your life, you and your career, you and your preferences, you and your desires.
And what I want to offer here is the idea that it might be a good time to take stock of where you are and where you want to go from here. And it might be a good time to take stock of like what are the goals you have? And do those goals even still matter to you? Are they still meaningful to you?
And if they are, then how do you support yourself as you continue to work towards them? And if they're not, what would it look like to set some of those goals down and what goals might be more valuable to you?
So as an example from my own life, y'all know I had a season where I worked in corporate tech, and I did pretty well there. I was successful, I went from being a contractor to being a full-time employee. And then a year later I got promoted and got a raise, and I got bonuses. And I had great relationships there and I did really well. And I was always pretty ambitious. I was always like kind of hustling for like whatever the next thing was.
And in my final year there I was trying to figure out like what my next move could be and how I could get promoted and what kind of role I could step into next that was going to allow me to have more responsibilities and, honestly, mostly make more money because I'm a Taurus and I like to make money. And I also always knew I wasn't going to stay in corporate forever, and so making more money was a great way to set myself up for success when I inevitably chose to leave.
But towards the end of that I was able to get promoted without really even trying, from my position I came in at to like the senior version of that position. But when it came to like figuring out what the next role could be, there wasn't a direct path of where I could go. Basically, there wasn't growth, so it wasn't like we were going to get more people who could then roll up to me.
I didn't really want to have my boss at the time’s job, and it didn't look like he was going anywhere. So it was very unlikely I was going to get his job. And I remember kind of like squirming and trying to figure out like where could I go from here and what kind of growth could I have?
I was very attached to the idea of getting that growth and that I should get promoted. And maybe I'd like to like be a people manager and like, blah, blah, blah. But ultimately, sort of like none of that mattered because I knew I was going to leave.
And so that's an example where I came into that world and that role, and I had goals while I was there. I wanted to do well and, you know, it's fun to get promoted and it's fun to have your area of expertise and your area of influence grow and to be responsible for more kinds of work if you're into that kind of thing. And if you're listening to this podcast, you probably are.
And at the end, I chose to pull my focus back from that and to focus on something else, which was what did I actually want to be doing, right? So going into corporate tech, I'm so glad I did that. And it was such a powerful move for me and such a great place to spend a few years of my life. And it taught me so many things that I use in my coaching business and how I help my clients to have a better experience of their career and get more of what they want.
And also, that season, I decided to close the season. Sometimes the season closes for you, right? Life being what it is, sometimes circumstances change, and the season closes whether you want it to or not. When I was in that corporate tech job, I ultimately chose to close the season. I chose to step back from my ambitions and look at what I really wanted in that moment.
And what I really wanted in that moment was to go and start a business and have that be successful. I was also scared shitless to go and start a business, which is why my brain was like, “Oh, stay here in this nice, cozy corporate tech job instead and get a promotion.” They were both things that I could work on, they were both ambitions, they were both goals.
One of those goals felt a lot safer. And so there was a big part of me that wanted to do the one that felt safer, and wanted to get wrapped up in that, even though ultimately, like it would have been cool, but it wasn't the direction it ultimately wanted to go long term.
Sometimes, there is something that we really, really want that's like the main thing we want, and then it still gets to a point where this season changes or something in us changes and it's time to pursue something else. So when it comes to me and my corporate job, it was never my top goal, really.
Like it was my top goal in that before I had that job, I really needed a job. I really needed some health insurance. And I really wanted to make some money. And if I remember correctly, I think I was maybe even, was I in credit card debt? I might have been in some credit card debt. I have been at some points in my life when I was like making big transitions like that.
So I really wanted that job. So it was my top goal in like a survival way. But it wasn't a top goal in like my most deep alignment to what I truly wanted to do with my life way. But sometimes there is something that feels like it is our top goal in our true deep alignment way and sometimes that can still change.
And it can be something really deep and meaningful, like the direction our career takes. And it can also be something that's, you know, culturally we might call it kind of more frivolous. Like the hobbies we enjoy, the activities we want to do in our downtime, the kind of relationships we want to have with people.
So another area where this has been happening for me recently, if you've been listening to the podcast for a while, you may know that I love wine. I talk about wine all the time. I talk about Rosé all the time. I like going out to fancy dinners and it's like kind of a part of like my personality.
It's a part of my brand in that my brand is essentially my personality because I'm a person. And yes, I'm a business, but really I'm a person and the business is all just like about my personality as well as about all the things I teach and my philosophy blah, blah, blah. Anyways, that's not the point.
The point is, that is a season that's also been changing for me. So this is something that I've been kind of going through behind the scenes, is earlier this year I had a night where I had a few glasses of wine, maybe one or two too many than my body wanted, and then I didn't sleep very well. And then I had another night pretty shortly after that where I only had one glass of wine and I didn't sleep very well.
And I got really frustrated and I decided like, okay, sleep really matters to me, so as much as I do deeply adore wine, I need to fucking figure this out. Then I had gone a few nights and was like kind of exploring that and then Alex and I found out we had a Covid exposure. And so I was like, okay, I'm just not going to drink while I wait to see if I'm going to develop Covid, which ultimately I didn't and I'm very grateful for that.
But I went like 10 nights, like including before the Covid exposure and with the Covid exposure. And that might not sound that long because a lot of people don't drink that often. So they might be like 10 nights, what? But for me, I was a very frequent drinker. Like I didn't drink a ton at one time, but I was like have a glass of wine with dinner most nights kind of person. And so taking all that time off, I was like, “Oh.” And I started sleeping so much better. And I was like, “Oh, this is great.”
And there have been other times that I've done coaching on myself about alcohol, and how much alcohol I drink, and the role of alcohol in my life. But I had done those from like a very, almost intellectual, like I have a goal, I have an idea of what I want life to be like and I'm going to duh, duh, duh, and it should be like this.
And this time was very different in that it just felt like I just was like, I need to figure out the sleep thing. And whatever needs to go is going to have to go. Or like alcohol to me is also something where my brain is like, “Oh, I deserve this. I deserve to have my fancy glass of wine because I work hard and I do all this stuff that's really good for me, and blah, blah, blah.” And this was the first time in my life where my brain was like, “No, no, no, what I deserve is something better than alcohol. What I deserve is sleep.”
I didn't tell that story in the best way, but whatever, you get the point. And the point is, to like bring it back to the point of the podcast, that season is changing for me. And I don't know what the future of that's going to look like. But I do know that I was in the habit of alcohol being something that was like an important part of my life, an important pleasure in my life.
And I still like alcohol. Like I had a few glasses of really good wine when Alex and I went out of town this weekend. I mean, we were in wine country, so I had like an amazing glass of sparkling white wine and a pretty good glass and a half of sparkling Rose. It was really fun.
And I also could notice the difference in my body, and I could just notice like, “Oh, this season is changing.” Like this is something that felt so like luxurious and pleasurable and like essential and just like a big part of my satisfied as fuck life for a long time. And now its role in my satisfied as fuck life is changing. It's not the same.
Like my definitions of who I want to be and what I want to do with my free time, they're shifting. And sometimes they're shifting slowly, and sometimes they're shifting really quickly. And then I'm like kind of surprised when I'm like, “Huh.”
And you may have noticed this in your own life too. I see this a lot, where people do something and then they really like it, it feels really good to them, and then they just get in the habit. And then they just keep doing the thing and keep doing the thing and keep doing the thing. And then eventually, one day they're like, “I'm not getting anything out of this.” And sometimes they don't even notice.
And this has happened to me before too, where I just like get in the habit and then one day I like realize that for a long time, that thing I've been doing hasn't been creating the impact in my life I wanted it to have. So as another example I've been reading this book called How to Break Up With Your Phone because one of my clients in Satisfied As Fuck was reading it and mentioned it, I think somewhere in the Slack, I don't know.
Anyways, great book and it really highlights the way phones change how our brains work and the way phones are designed to like hook us and get us to spend more time on them. So that was interesting too, because I noticed I would get my phone out and get into apps, but that wasn't getting the feeling I wanted either.
It's like being able to slow down enough to figure out what we're actually craving, what we're actually desiring, and whether the thing we're doing to try to meet that desire is actually able to meet that desire, or is it something we're doing to like numb and avoid? Is it something we're doing to distract ourselves?
Is it something that used to feel really yummy and pleasurable, but now doesn't? Kind of like how my relationship with wine is changing, like it doesn't feel as yummy and pleasurable to do that as often as it used to. Or is it something that used to really feel important to us in our career that we're still going after, but it doesn't actually feel that important in our career anymore? It's like not as exciting. It's not as relevant.
And I want to circle this back to something else I talk about a lot, which is the idea that the brain loves to move the goalpost. If you want to be able to enjoy your achievements when you get to them, you need to learn to enjoy the path that it takes to get there. But sometimes it's also really good to like pause and be like, “Do I even still want to go to where I'm on the path to going to?”
And this isn't about like giving up when it's hard. I mean, like there were so many times in my business that were so hard. Times when I actually did want to give up and sometimes I would just give up for the day and then come back to it later.
This is about like really assessing like, “Okay, I was a different person, a younger person, maybe a person with different preferences when I set this course and this destination. And I'm on the journey and I've already gone some ways, but that doesn't mean I have to go all the way there if I decide it's no longer what's meaningful and important to me.”
There's this idea, I think it's called the sunk-cost fallacy of like once we've already invested time, effort, money, anything like that to do something or go somewhere, there's kind of this part of our brain that wants to keep going because we've already made an investment.
And so sometimes what happens is people make an investment of time, money, energy, or something else, and then they realize they don't actually want the thing. They don't want to go after it, they don't want to do it, they don't want to have it, be it, whatever. But it's very hard for them to stop and turn away.
And so that's just something to be mindful of. You may have a goal that you've sunk a lot of time, energy, and investment into, and you may still want to go after it. And if you do, we have a lot of resources and tools for how to do that, like in the podcast.
And also it's okay to change your mind. It's okay for seasons to change. It's okay for your preferences to change. It's okay for your desires to change. It's okay for your vision of what you want out of your life and your career to change.
And it will change, right? And sometimes you’ll be the one changing it and sometimes it will be changing like the seasons change where they just change whether we want them to or not.
And so that brings me to the other part of the podcast about like seasons changing, is that I think in any season there can be something beautiful for us to enjoy. And that doesn't mean we don't decide to change things if we can. Like Alex and I moving to California, we changed literally the way we were going to interact with seasons by changing location. And you can do that too.
And you may want to do that in your career, and your life, and your relationships, and your hobbies, and your relationship to your body and your friendships in so many different areas. And also everywhere you go is going to have seasons, unless you're literally like, I don't know, somewhere tropical.
I guess they still have weather though, it's just like maybe all the same. I don't really know what tropical weather is like. I think there are some places on the earth where the temperature doesn't vary much, but sometimes they have a wet season and a dry season or sometimes they have something else.
Or like I told Alex I kind of like want it to just be like 65 and sunny all the time. And she was like, “Well, you could move to San Diego, but San Diego doesn't have the trees you want,” right? So no matter where you are, no matter what the weather is, there's going to be ups and downs. There's going to be things you love that tickle you and there are going to be things that you're like, “Oh, fucking this again.”
It's actually really kind of wonderful to go outside and have a brisk, cool walk in the morning this time of year in Sacramento. And it's still sunny, so that's pretty fun. And my hands get really cold, and my toes get really cold, and we have to keep the heat on higher and it's maybe going to be like a higher bill. Although in the summer, air conditioning also a higher bill.
So basically, how do you want to navigate the changeable nature of life? Like how do you want to navigate you changing? And how do you want to navigate the seasons of your life changing? And then also, what can you find to love and enjoy about the season you're in, even if there are things you also want to change?
And even if you change things, some things will be up and some things will be down, and so learning to enjoy what is working is actually just a really incredible, beautiful skill. And it's not about not changing things, it's just about understanding that there's always going to be something we can be annoyed about.
It's kind of rude, but in my personal experience of life that's true. There are just so many things in life and it's so very rare that they all line up to be exactly what I want. And I don't only want to be happy the like 1% of the time when all the things line up to be exactly what I want.
And that means that for me personally, it's a deeply meaningful and important life skill to be able to enjoy things even when it's not all what I want. And that's what I want to be available to you too, if that is a skill that you want to have.
And if it is a skill you want to have, come learn it with us in Satisfied As Fuck. The next cohort of Satisfied As Fuck is going to be so amazing, we're starting in January. I've already started booking the most amazing clients into it and I would love for you to be one of them so that you can do this work in community.
Because I think when we're in community doing this work, first of all, in my experience, being a client of group coaching programs, I build like lifelong friendships with incredible people all over the world. And also the learning is exponential, the growth is exponential.
There's something about being in a room with other people who are working on the same things as you are, or complementary things and learning from them and like having them learn from what you're going through. It's exhilarating and there's nothing like it.
And I would love for you to join us. And if you would like to, scoot on over to my website and sign up for a Satisfied As Fuck consult and let's have a conversation about it. I promise you're going to walk away from that conversation with transformation, whether you ever sign up for Satisfied As Fuck or not, because that's how powerful it is to have a conversation with a coach about the things that are going on in your life and about what it would look like for you to prioritize having a satisfying as fuck life and career.
And I really hope you'll also join us for the full package because it's just going to be awesome, and I would love to have you there. All right, that's what I've got for you this week y'all. Have a great day and I will talk to you next time. Bye.
Thank you for listening to Love Your Job Before You Leave It. We'll have another episode for you next week. And in the meantime, if you're feeling super fired up, head on over to korilinn.com for more guidance and resources.
You are listening to Love Your Job Before You Leave It, the podcast for ambitious, high-achieving women who are ready to stop feeling stressed about work and kiss burnout goodbye forever. Whether you’re starting a business or staying in your day job, this show will give you the coaching and guidance you need to start loving your work today. Here’s your host, Career Coach, Kori Linn.
Hey y'all, happy Wednesday. I am in a great mood today, Alex and I went away this most recent weekend. It'll be a few weeks by the time y'all hear this, but we just got back yesterday. And so we live in Sacramento, and we went over to Forestville, which is kind of close to Santa Rosa, Guerneville. Healdsburg, Sebastopol, they're sort of all in the same little area.
And it's Sonoma County. So it's like wine country, California, which people love and it's a great place to visit. But what I was most excited about is there's redwood trees over there. Like just big, beautiful, ancient, gorgeous redwood trees, and we got to go see some of them. We went to, I think it's called Armstrong National, it’s national or California, I don't know. It's a park, it's in Guerneville.
And I Googled like redwoods near me because I do very advanced Google searches. One of the things that came up was this like old growth Redwood grove. And I don't know, just a Google search. So I looked at some pictures, it looked amazing, so Alex and I drove over there. And it was just absolutely stunning, a beautifully kept trail, like a super small little park. And it sort of seemed like it was just like this one little patch of public land on this sort of mountaintop that was otherwise all private property.
So it was just really wonderful to get to go and spend some time in nature and see those trees. And there were beautiful ferns, I don't know if y'all know this about me, but I fucking love ferns. Living in Seattle and going to places like Seward Park there are like lots of big evergreen trees that are really gorgeous. And there are just lots of ferns. I think like Seattle is very damp and misty and the ferns like that, I guess.
And so going a few hours out of Sacramento I was able to see similar trees and even bigger, you know, these redwood trees, I don't think we have those in Seattle. And by I don't think, I mean I know we don't. We for sure don't have those. And also all these ferns and just like the nature and the feel of the air felt very similar to some of the places I loved most in Seattle.
And I go back to Seattle fairly often too. But it was nice to find somewhere that was close to where I live that I can get to in just like a pretty decent car ride where I can go be in nature of that kind. And it's interesting, because when I was younger, I didn't really consider myself a nature person.
I was kind of more of a like, I considered myself like a city mouse, right? I liked to be in the hustle and the bustle. And I liked to be able to like walk out my door and go grab like an amazing glass of wine and some amazing food. I still care about that too, but I've really become a person who just craves and cherishes time in nature.
And so that's just like an interesting thing I've been thinking about. And it's part of what I want to talk about today, of just like how seasons change and things about us change, and our preferences change, and our desires change. And I think sometimes, like when we're working on something in our lives or our career, we can get very attached to the goal. And sometimes we miss cues that that goal is no longer the thing we're really interested in or the thing that's really meaningful to us.
The other thing that made me think about this episode is just like the literal seasons changing. As I've mentioned on the last several podcasts, the weather has turned here in Sacramento. It was really hot in the summer, and then even like well into, I think, September we had like a big heatwave. And then we had like some mild weeks that were really beautiful that I was really in love with.
And then like suddenly the weather just like dropped and it was just cold. And it's been cold. And I had forgotten how cold it gets in our house because our house is like big and has high ceilings and that kind of place is hard to heat.
In the summer in Sacramento I complain a lot because it's very hot sometimes. And then now it's cold and my brain was like, “I'm also going to complain a lot.” So I thought that was funny. It's just like an interesting thing to notice, that there's only like a pretty slim variation of weather pattern that my brain does not feel compelled to complain about.
So that's just good for y'all to know too. Like I'm a coach, I know the tools I teach you inside and out, and I still have a brain that wants to complain about shit pretty heavily. And it takes effort for me too. to like remind myself to like notice what is working and look for what is working and remember the things I like. Because it's like in the dead of summer I'll be like, ah, dreaming of a cool day. And now it is cool and I'm like missing summer, even though during summer I was like, “Why is it so fucking hot all the time?”
So two main things about like what we want to talk about today. One of those is just like that seasons will change, and they change whether we want them to or not. And we change often, whether we mean to or not. And then the second thing is I believe deeply that there is always something we can love about whatever season we're in.
And that doesn't mean we're not going to make big changes, right? Like Alex and I, part of why we moved from Seattle to Sacramento is because we wanted to live somewhere sunnier. So even though there were so many things I could appreciate about the misty, cloudy, overcast Seattle winters, we chose to make a change anyways. But I think being able to identify what's working and what you can like about something is a really powerful step to take, whether you're going to make changes or not.
Okay, so let's get into the heart of it, things change. Now, we can’t always count on things changing, I guess. Like there's kind of this idea in coaching that like don't expect people to change, because often they won’t. But I think in general in life, we do change.
Now, you can't count on other people changing in the directions and ways you want them to. So like let's just set other people aside for now. Let's let this episode just be about you and you. You and your life, you and your career, you and your preferences, you and your desires.
And what I want to offer here is the idea that it might be a good time to take stock of where you are and where you want to go from here. And it might be a good time to take stock of like what are the goals you have? And do those goals even still matter to you? Are they still meaningful to you?
And if they are, then how do you support yourself as you continue to work towards them? And if they're not, what would it look like to set some of those goals down and what goals might be more valuable to you?
So as an example from my own life, y'all know I had a season where I worked in corporate tech, and I did pretty well there. I was successful, I went from being a contractor to being a full-time employee. And then a year later I got promoted and got a raise, and I got bonuses. And I had great relationships there and I did really well. And I was always pretty ambitious. I was always like kind of hustling for like whatever the next thing was.
And in my final year there I was trying to figure out like what my next move could be and how I could get promoted and what kind of role I could step into next that was going to allow me to have more responsibilities and, honestly, mostly make more money because I'm a Taurus and I like to make money. And I also always knew I wasn't going to stay in corporate forever, and so making more money was a great way to set myself up for success when I inevitably chose to leave.
But towards the end of that I was able to get promoted without really even trying, from my position I came in at to like the senior version of that position. But when it came to like figuring out what the next role could be, there wasn't a direct path of where I could go. Basically, there wasn't growth, so it wasn't like we were going to get more people who could then roll up to me.
I didn't really want to have my boss at the time’s job, and it didn't look like he was going anywhere. So it was very unlikely I was going to get his job. And I remember kind of like squirming and trying to figure out like where could I go from here and what kind of growth could I have?
I was very attached to the idea of getting that growth and that I should get promoted. And maybe I'd like to like be a people manager and like, blah, blah, blah. But ultimately, sort of like none of that mattered because I knew I was going to leave.
And so that's an example where I came into that world and that role, and I had goals while I was there. I wanted to do well and, you know, it's fun to get promoted and it's fun to have your area of expertise and your area of influence grow and to be responsible for more kinds of work if you're into that kind of thing. And if you're listening to this podcast, you probably are.
And at the end, I chose to pull my focus back from that and to focus on something else, which was what did I actually want to be doing, right? So going into corporate tech, I'm so glad I did that. And it was such a powerful move for me and such a great place to spend a few years of my life. And it taught me so many things that I use in my coaching business and how I help my clients to have a better experience of their career and get more of what they want.
And also, that season, I decided to close the season. Sometimes the season closes for you, right? Life being what it is, sometimes circumstances change, and the season closes whether you want it to or not. When I was in that corporate tech job, I ultimately chose to close the season. I chose to step back from my ambitions and look at what I really wanted in that moment.
And what I really wanted in that moment was to go and start a business and have that be successful. I was also scared shitless to go and start a business, which is why my brain was like, “Oh, stay here in this nice, cozy corporate tech job instead and get a promotion.” They were both things that I could work on, they were both ambitions, they were both goals.
One of those goals felt a lot safer. And so there was a big part of me that wanted to do the one that felt safer, and wanted to get wrapped up in that, even though ultimately, like it would have been cool, but it wasn't the direction it ultimately wanted to go long term.
Sometimes, there is something that we really, really want that's like the main thing we want, and then it still gets to a point where this season changes or something in us changes and it's time to pursue something else. So when it comes to me and my corporate job, it was never my top goal, really.
Like it was my top goal in that before I had that job, I really needed a job. I really needed some health insurance. And I really wanted to make some money. And if I remember correctly, I think I was maybe even, was I in credit card debt? I might have been in some credit card debt. I have been at some points in my life when I was like making big transitions like that.
So I really wanted that job. So it was my top goal in like a survival way. But it wasn't a top goal in like my most deep alignment to what I truly wanted to do with my life way. But sometimes there is something that feels like it is our top goal in our true deep alignment way and sometimes that can still change.
And it can be something really deep and meaningful, like the direction our career takes. And it can also be something that's, you know, culturally we might call it kind of more frivolous. Like the hobbies we enjoy, the activities we want to do in our downtime, the kind of relationships we want to have with people.
So another area where this has been happening for me recently, if you've been listening to the podcast for a while, you may know that I love wine. I talk about wine all the time. I talk about Rosé all the time. I like going out to fancy dinners and it's like kind of a part of like my personality.
It's a part of my brand in that my brand is essentially my personality because I'm a person. And yes, I'm a business, but really I'm a person and the business is all just like about my personality as well as about all the things I teach and my philosophy blah, blah, blah. Anyways, that's not the point.
The point is, that is a season that's also been changing for me. So this is something that I've been kind of going through behind the scenes, is earlier this year I had a night where I had a few glasses of wine, maybe one or two too many than my body wanted, and then I didn't sleep very well. And then I had another night pretty shortly after that where I only had one glass of wine and I didn't sleep very well.
And I got really frustrated and I decided like, okay, sleep really matters to me, so as much as I do deeply adore wine, I need to fucking figure this out. Then I had gone a few nights and was like kind of exploring that and then Alex and I found out we had a Covid exposure. And so I was like, okay, I'm just not going to drink while I wait to see if I'm going to develop Covid, which ultimately I didn't and I'm very grateful for that.
But I went like 10 nights, like including before the Covid exposure and with the Covid exposure. And that might not sound that long because a lot of people don't drink that often. So they might be like 10 nights, what? But for me, I was a very frequent drinker. Like I didn't drink a ton at one time, but I was like have a glass of wine with dinner most nights kind of person. And so taking all that time off, I was like, “Oh.” And I started sleeping so much better. And I was like, “Oh, this is great.”
And there have been other times that I've done coaching on myself about alcohol, and how much alcohol I drink, and the role of alcohol in my life. But I had done those from like a very, almost intellectual, like I have a goal, I have an idea of what I want life to be like and I'm going to duh, duh, duh, and it should be like this.
And this time was very different in that it just felt like I just was like, I need to figure out the sleep thing. And whatever needs to go is going to have to go. Or like alcohol to me is also something where my brain is like, “Oh, I deserve this. I deserve to have my fancy glass of wine because I work hard and I do all this stuff that's really good for me, and blah, blah, blah.” And this was the first time in my life where my brain was like, “No, no, no, what I deserve is something better than alcohol. What I deserve is sleep.”
I didn't tell that story in the best way, but whatever, you get the point. And the point is, to like bring it back to the point of the podcast, that season is changing for me. And I don't know what the future of that's going to look like. But I do know that I was in the habit of alcohol being something that was like an important part of my life, an important pleasure in my life.
And I still like alcohol. Like I had a few glasses of really good wine when Alex and I went out of town this weekend. I mean, we were in wine country, so I had like an amazing glass of sparkling white wine and a pretty good glass and a half of sparkling Rose. It was really fun.
And I also could notice the difference in my body, and I could just notice like, “Oh, this season is changing.” Like this is something that felt so like luxurious and pleasurable and like essential and just like a big part of my satisfied as fuck life for a long time. And now its role in my satisfied as fuck life is changing. It's not the same.
Like my definitions of who I want to be and what I want to do with my free time, they're shifting. And sometimes they're shifting slowly, and sometimes they're shifting really quickly. And then I'm like kind of surprised when I'm like, “Huh.”
And you may have noticed this in your own life too. I see this a lot, where people do something and then they really like it, it feels really good to them, and then they just get in the habit. And then they just keep doing the thing and keep doing the thing and keep doing the thing. And then eventually, one day they're like, “I'm not getting anything out of this.” And sometimes they don't even notice.
And this has happened to me before too, where I just like get in the habit and then one day I like realize that for a long time, that thing I've been doing hasn't been creating the impact in my life I wanted it to have. So as another example I've been reading this book called How to Break Up With Your Phone because one of my clients in Satisfied As Fuck was reading it and mentioned it, I think somewhere in the Slack, I don't know.
Anyways, great book and it really highlights the way phones change how our brains work and the way phones are designed to like hook us and get us to spend more time on them. So that was interesting too, because I noticed I would get my phone out and get into apps, but that wasn't getting the feeling I wanted either.
It's like being able to slow down enough to figure out what we're actually craving, what we're actually desiring, and whether the thing we're doing to try to meet that desire is actually able to meet that desire, or is it something we're doing to like numb and avoid? Is it something we're doing to distract ourselves?
Is it something that used to feel really yummy and pleasurable, but now doesn't? Kind of like how my relationship with wine is changing, like it doesn't feel as yummy and pleasurable to do that as often as it used to. Or is it something that used to really feel important to us in our career that we're still going after, but it doesn't actually feel that important in our career anymore? It's like not as exciting. It's not as relevant.
And I want to circle this back to something else I talk about a lot, which is the idea that the brain loves to move the goalpost. If you want to be able to enjoy your achievements when you get to them, you need to learn to enjoy the path that it takes to get there. But sometimes it's also really good to like pause and be like, “Do I even still want to go to where I'm on the path to going to?”
And this isn't about like giving up when it's hard. I mean, like there were so many times in my business that were so hard. Times when I actually did want to give up and sometimes I would just give up for the day and then come back to it later.
This is about like really assessing like, “Okay, I was a different person, a younger person, maybe a person with different preferences when I set this course and this destination. And I'm on the journey and I've already gone some ways, but that doesn't mean I have to go all the way there if I decide it's no longer what's meaningful and important to me.”
There's this idea, I think it's called the sunk-cost fallacy of like once we've already invested time, effort, money, anything like that to do something or go somewhere, there's kind of this part of our brain that wants to keep going because we've already made an investment.
And so sometimes what happens is people make an investment of time, money, energy, or something else, and then they realize they don't actually want the thing. They don't want to go after it, they don't want to do it, they don't want to have it, be it, whatever. But it's very hard for them to stop and turn away.
And so that's just something to be mindful of. You may have a goal that you've sunk a lot of time, energy, and investment into, and you may still want to go after it. And if you do, we have a lot of resources and tools for how to do that, like in the podcast.
And also it's okay to change your mind. It's okay for seasons to change. It's okay for your preferences to change. It's okay for your desires to change. It's okay for your vision of what you want out of your life and your career to change.
And it will change, right? And sometimes you’ll be the one changing it and sometimes it will be changing like the seasons change where they just change whether we want them to or not.
And so that brings me to the other part of the podcast about like seasons changing, is that I think in any season there can be something beautiful for us to enjoy. And that doesn't mean we don't decide to change things if we can. Like Alex and I moving to California, we changed literally the way we were going to interact with seasons by changing location. And you can do that too.
And you may want to do that in your career, and your life, and your relationships, and your hobbies, and your relationship to your body and your friendships in so many different areas. And also everywhere you go is going to have seasons, unless you're literally like, I don't know, somewhere tropical.
I guess they still have weather though, it's just like maybe all the same. I don't really know what tropical weather is like. I think there are some places on the earth where the temperature doesn't vary much, but sometimes they have a wet season and a dry season or sometimes they have something else.
Or like I told Alex I kind of like want it to just be like 65 and sunny all the time. And she was like, “Well, you could move to San Diego, but San Diego doesn't have the trees you want,” right? So no matter where you are, no matter what the weather is, there's going to be ups and downs. There's going to be things you love that tickle you and there are going to be things that you're like, “Oh, fucking this again.”
It's actually really kind of wonderful to go outside and have a brisk, cool walk in the morning this time of year in Sacramento. And it's still sunny, so that's pretty fun. And my hands get really cold, and my toes get really cold, and we have to keep the heat on higher and it's maybe going to be like a higher bill. Although in the summer, air conditioning also a higher bill.
So basically, how do you want to navigate the changeable nature of life? Like how do you want to navigate you changing? And how do you want to navigate the seasons of your life changing? And then also, what can you find to love and enjoy about the season you're in, even if there are things you also want to change?
And even if you change things, some things will be up and some things will be down, and so learning to enjoy what is working is actually just a really incredible, beautiful skill. And it's not about not changing things, it's just about understanding that there's always going to be something we can be annoyed about.
It's kind of rude, but in my personal experience of life that's true. There are just so many things in life and it's so very rare that they all line up to be exactly what I want. And I don't only want to be happy the like 1% of the time when all the things line up to be exactly what I want.
And that means that for me personally, it's a deeply meaningful and important life skill to be able to enjoy things even when it's not all what I want. And that's what I want to be available to you too, if that is a skill that you want to have.
And if it is a skill you want to have, come learn it with us in Satisfied As Fuck. The next cohort of Satisfied As Fuck is going to be so amazing, we're starting in January. I've already started booking the most amazing clients into it and I would love for you to be one of them so that you can do this work in community.
Because I think when we're in community doing this work, first of all, in my experience, being a client of group coaching programs, I build like lifelong friendships with incredible people all over the world. And also the learning is exponential, the growth is exponential.
There's something about being in a room with other people who are working on the same things as you are, or complementary things and learning from them and like having them learn from what you're going through. It's exhilarating and there's nothing like it.
And I would love for you to join us. And if you would like to, scoot on over to my website and sign up for a Satisfied As Fuck consult and let's have a conversation about it. I promise you're going to walk away from that conversation with transformation, whether you ever sign up for Satisfied As Fuck or not, because that's how powerful it is to have a conversation with a coach about the things that are going on in your life and about what it would look like for you to prioritize having a satisfying as fuck life and career.
And I really hope you'll also join us for the full package because it's just going to be awesome, and I would love to have you there. All right, that's what I've got for you this week y'all. Have a great day and I will talk to you next time. Bye.
Thank you for listening to Love Your Job Before You Leave It. We'll have another episode for you next week. And in the meantime, if you're feeling super fired up, head on over to korilinn.com for more guidance and resources.
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